The tragedy of life with lexophilia

A lexophile is a lover – of words, that is. And word lovers especially enjoy word play, palindromes and the like. According to entirely unreliable sources, that most august of broadsheets, the New York Times, holds an annual lexophile competition to see who can create the best original pun. Furphy or not, it’s all good fun, so take a moment to enjoy these tragic examples of past winners.

  •  Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
  •  This girl today said she recognised me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.
  •  I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
  •  A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
  •  I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
  •  A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
  •  A will is a dead giveaway.
  •  Police were summoned to a day-care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  •  Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  •  A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tyred.
  •  The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
  •  He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.
  •  When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
  •  Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
  •  I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
  •  A crossed-eyed teacher lost her job. She just couldn’t control her pupils.
  •  When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  •  When chemists die, they barium.
  •  I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
  •  No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  •  I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

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